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I might also point out that single women have and always will be an essential part of our social fabric.


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Finding a partner can be a hard task for any Christian singleton, but in the midst of a global pandemic, when dating is largely confined to apps, it is becoming near enough impossible. Lockdown romances, virtual Zoom date nights, video calls and apps are keeping my search for a partner alive, but navigating Christian dating in a Covid world is quite challenging. The second lockdown means churches are now only open for private prayer, and social events which are usually great for meeting other single Christians are off the table. Even before the pandemic, the pursuit of chastity and purity was increasingly becoming hard to keep up with in a world where celibacy and getting married are going out of fashion. As a Christian woman, I want to stay celibate before marriage. In my twenties, I stopped being celibate because the reality of abstaining from sex in a world that was full of it was hard to maintain.

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Not because she was a spiritual powerhouse who was doing amazing work among the young girls of a developing country. Because she was single.

Flash forward a couple of decades to the present day. I was babysitting a family of outrageously adorable children and as we walked to the park, one of the girls asked me if I had a little girl of my own. I am a Christian woman in my mids, and I am single. Because I am single.

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According to the piece, we are living in a new era in our country in which there are more single women defined as never-married, widowed, divorced, or separated than married women. For women under 30, the likelihood of being married has become astonishingly small: Today, only around 20 percent of Americans ages 18—29 are wed, compared to nearly 60 percent in Curious about the percentage of single women in churches, I decided to look into the s myself.

The struggle of a christian single is real

Those s were similar to that of women in the Catholic Church 40 percent and among mainline Protestants 45 percent. Those s increased in Historically Black Protestant churches to 59 percent. If I had more time and access to some stats software, I would crosstab these percentages with age in order to get a more complete picture.

And any church leader worth his or her salt pun absolutely intended knows that communities of faith reap tremendous benefit from having single women — and men — in their congregations. Single women tend to serve more in churches than their married counterparts. Church would not happen were it not for the dedication of single people and to be fair, married couples without children.

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For centuries, the church has seen single men and women monastic orders or convents and devote themselves to God and to service. I recently discussed this with an Episcopal priest who spent years in a monastic community. He pointed out that the reason for celibacy in these communities is largely to make oneself more open to divine intimacy with Christ.

Certainly this bears out in his life.

As a single, celibate christian woman, my faith was tested in this pandemic – but now it’s stronger

Which brings up an interesting conundrum. I can say from my experience as a single woman in church again, mostly evangelical branches that there is much stigma around singleness. Despite the fact that Jesus himself was single and childless, that Paul was single and childless, and that women many of whom were unmarried were active in the early churchmarriage still seems to be a preferred status.

Instead we think about ways to help single people become married.

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In doing so, we fail to celebrate the unique calling, however temporary or permanent it might be, that they have now, at this moment, in the church. The delay of marriage for many of us in our 30s or 40s has little to do with being unmarriageable. For most of us, we have wanted to have husbands and families, but have also wanted to make use of our God-given gifts and talents. For many of us, it has not made spiritual sense to marry.

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Who would like to see her being taken from his side by some duty of attending a nocturnal gathering? At Easter time who will quietly tolerate her absence all the night? In fact, the trend that Traister lays out may in fact prove more beneficial and more humanizing to both men and women. Instead of looking to a man to confer status, wealth, and security, women are now more free than ever to view men as partners and fellow human beings.

Instead of looking at women as acquisitions meant to confer status and value, perhaps men will now feel more free to evaluate a woman based on her characterinstead of her looks.

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And instead of looking to fellow sinners in need of grace, perhaps we will look to God, our Maker and Husbandthe only one who can truly give us worth, security, beauty, or value. Juliet is a freelance writer and consultant and full-time mom. A transplant from New York City, she has lived in DC for over seven years, but still walks too fast and wears too much black.

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The church is failing single people

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Struggling with singleness

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