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Many people have different opinions about if you should be friends before dating or not.


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To prove this point, I have several friends who got married last year. A few of them had been friends with their spouse for a while before they started dating.

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She offers one-on-one life-coaching programs to help clients acknowledge and understand limiting beliefs, to set boundaries and to learn how to change mindsets so they can get what they want in their romantic lives and feel empowered. Ashley helps men and women of all ages, single and married. She ended up telling him she wanted to remain friends, and he was devastated.

Should you be friends before you date?

I found this surprising. If he loves this woman so much, why not find a way to be friends with her and continue to experience her on all the other levels available to him? Why would someone limit a relationship to romance — or nothing at all — if he or she truly enjoys this person? In my mind, you risk losing a person in your life once you start dating. Few people tend to remain friends when the romantic relationship ends. When we think about dating, we are encouraged to find a soul mate, a best friend we can spend our lives with.

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What motivates us at the start of a potential partnership — and influences attraction when it comes to dating — is the sum of information the brain collects at a rate we barely comprehend. From mannerisms to how someone is dressed, face structure, what they do for a living and who they know and associate with, the decision to date someone can be made before we consciously think about it. Also, early on in the search for love an emphasis tends to be placed on sexual compatibility.

1. past memories

Am I attracted to him? Does she turn me on?

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Do I find them sexy? This is the case for a lot of people but not everyone. No judgment.

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Sex is good, but connecting with someone who you can enjoy in all the other areas of your life and possibly forever? I see endless value here.

Ashley kelsch on being friends first before dating

This is another level. As a society we limit our language around friendships. I remember a time in my early dating years, while out with a group of friends, I met a guy who was a friend of friends.

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He was a really good guy and always down for a fun hang. We slowly began to develop a friendship as we spent more time as a group which led us to hanging out separately, as well.

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It never occurred to me that this man might be interested in me. As a friend. Sometime later when we were all out together, one of our mutual friends mentioned that he was interested in me.

You know their past

I was more than shocked; I felt fooled, like I was being dated without being asked or having a say in it. Afterwards I thought long and hard about our time together and questioned if I had missed something.

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I saw no s that indicated this person had any interest in me. The entire episode did not sit well with me as I had all these thoughts and beliefs about how people should date. Years later, he and I crossed paths and d a friendship, but in the back of my mind I had all this information.

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Was it going to happen again? Would he try and make a move while we were paddle boarding? He was totally fine with that.

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He enjoyed me as a person which means more to me than enjoying me in the bedroom. It took me a long time, maybe some growing up and maturing to do to see how his approach of getting to know someone before asking them out is not shady or some form of trickery. Building connection along with a mutual understanding of trust and respect is hot.

No first date nerves

Friends First is a Good Dating Strategy. By Ashley Kelsch. Start typing and press Enter to search.

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