How do I get him to talk about feelings? I admit that this is something I need to learn more about myself. The truth is that I want him to be more chatty, able to traverse multiple topics at once and more open to share his feelings. In other words, I want my man to be more like a woman. We women make that mistake often; expecting our men to act like women.
I asked a thoughtful and skilled writer, Ben Neal, to write about how to get men to open up for my Date Like a Grownup community. As Ben discusses, they are more open to connecting on a real emotional level, you just may have to teach them how. Ben publishes some of his articles on Elephant Journal, which was recommended to me by a Facebook friend.
Thanks Lisa! I want to hear from you! What do you think of his advice?
What have you done that works with your man? For most women, communication could be defined simply as talking about your feelings — something that many men are unable or unwilling to do. Of course men have emotions. We feel just as strongly as women do, with just as much depth and subtlety. The difference lies in our emotional vocabulary.
Men are not raised to talk about their feelings. After a lifetime of silence, the whole spectrum of human emotion tends to be simplified into good or bad, happy or mad.
Leave me alone. It takes time to unlearn these tendencies. It takes time to learn how to explore our emotions and express them out loud. It takes patience, love and support from the ones close to us. Most men tend to withdraw when under stress. When your man is moody and tense, no matter how badly you want to understand, no matter how tempting it may be, now is not the time to prod him.
Be patient, give him space, and wait for the storm to pass. You are much more likely to get through to him when he is relaxed and at ease. A man may show you how he feels for you by holding your hand, or touching the small of your back; he may bring you flowers or surprise gifts.
Positive encouragement can be very effective. If your guy has trouble talking about how he feels, then just sitting down and talking one-on-one is going to make him feel awkward, and make it even more difficult for him.
So instead, plan a fun, physical activity. Go to the bowling alley or the golf course, or just go out for a walk. This takes the pressure off, gives him something to focus on, and makes it so much easier for him to loosen up and talk freely. If you want your man to open up about his feelings, you may have to step out of your comfort zone a bit, too. Some men are silent about how they feel, but they love to talk about what they think.
Get intellectual with him, talk about business, politics, philosophy, and you may have him chatting away happily for hours. When your guy does open up and start talking, listen without leaping to conclusions. If you start reading into everything he says, it is bound to lead to misunderstanding.
So listen. Just listen. If you want something, ask for it.
If you feel there is an issue that needs to be resolved, say so. I want to understand how you feel about this. Every man is unique, and every relationship too. Where my husband is from, btw. He loves to be outdoors, camping, bike riding or working in the garden.
5 secrets of getting a man to open up
You can connect with him on Facebook, and of his writings at the Elephant Journal. I need help and reassurance please. I hope just writing this helped you work through some thoughts and feelings. I met this guy online two months ago and first time chatting to him I enjoyed the conversation, he was so funny, free spirited person, easy to talk with and made me laugh.
But as weeks went he changed into being that bubbly energetic guy I fell for. The worst part is I fall inlove everyday for him and I love him now and mind you we are in two months now.
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What to do? Thanks for the straight forward advice!! I still get the positive cards for our relationship but it recently spoke to my depression or other emotional blockages getting in the way. Just never has verbally said much of anything.
I talk a lot. And have truly worked on becoming a much better listener Non Violent Communication and Untethered Soul really helped me with this and letting go of painful energyand I feel like this relationship really is the test. After 14 years I still want to smack my husband out of his silence sometimes. You decide what you absolutely need, and communicate it to him by helping him understand how important it is to you. Ask him how you can help him feel more comfortable expressing himself.
And remember that he will probably never, ever do that as a girlfriend might.
Allow for time-outs
So, I have spent much of the last several years researching men with the intention of understanding them and, hopefully, resulting in a successful relationship. I have learned so, so much and I love the advice you have given. My recent dilemma is that, it seems that my bf will only partake in conversations that he is interested in.
I have started to stop trying. I walk away, do my own thing and maybe call a friend. Long term though, I dont see how this could work. Any advice would be much appreciated! WE and I do mean WE have to remember that these are men.
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Your interests — and needs — are as important as his, girlfriend. My advice is to have a serious conversation with him.
Tell him what you need in order to feel [fill-in-the-blank]. Important: before you do this get very clear on your feelings and what you need from him. Also, be prepared for him to be unable to give you what you need.
How to connect with a man’s heart
And to be ready to make decisions accordingly. Best, Bp. Only him. Sorry but that says a lot about your relationship. I feel for you.
He talks to complete strangers and has very detailed conversations with them. I just want to talk to him. This hurt me deeply as I am the exact opposite. Our sex life is well.
Stand by his side (literally)
Sad for me as I want him and love him very much. Sex is my way to bond. The more we spoke the worse things got.