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When I started googling whether it was okay to date a non-Christian, I was involved with a guy who wasn't pursuing God. So you can imagine my shock when I discovered what the Bible actually said about being equally yoked and about dating nonbelievers.

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Much is said about this in relationship to marriage and business partners. But over the years I have discovered a less talked about understanding of this phrase.

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Unequally yoked: how to maintain relationships when you are in different places in life

If one ox is pulling in one direction a lot more than the other, then the oxen will not be carrying the cart well — they may end up wanting to move in different directions. This verse serves as the foundation for Christian marriage: A Christian should marry another Christian. Two professing Christians are still two broken human beings with the free will to pursue God — or not to.

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Simply wearing the label of Christianity does not give us a free pass to walking the three-legged race towards Christlikeness in perfect unity of mind and heart. I am privileged to be a second-generation Christian, who grew up in church and have become well-versed in the tenets of the faith.

Can a relationship be unequally yoked if we’re both christians?

I know how one should behave in the church setting, and most of the answers to basic Bible study questions. However, just because I grew up as a Christian and attend church regularly has not been the basis for my spiritual maturity.

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Essentially, they both have the same end in mind — Christlikeness, and whatever it takes to get there. Faith is not just another box in a compatibility checklist. Funny enough, what got me thinking about all this stuff was the film, Crazy Rich Asians.

Q&a: can a christian date a non-christian? your guide to what it means to be equally yoked—and why it matters!

Two rich people getting married with the love and respect of great families may look like a blissful and perfect union. But that counts for little in my opinion. Think about the other couples in the movie. She continued to live in the lap of luxury in secret, keeping this from her husband.

What it means to be “unequally yoked”

On the other hand, her husband insisted on making it on his own to prove his worth. They were truly unequally yoked. On the contrary, the Bible is also full of Rachel Chus — the protagonist of the film.

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Rahab, the prostitute who helped the spies, eventually became the great-great-grandmother to King David Joshua 2. I have not chosen him.

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For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. And this is how we must also choose when it comes to who God desires us to be partnered with, who we can be paired with, yoked with, so that He can move the cart of our intertwined destinies forward.

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I pray that the measure of our richness will not be wrongly determined by how often we go to church, how many Bible stories we know, or the leadership positions we hold in church — but by the fruit of the Spirit in our lives — manifested in a mutual reverence for the sovereign Lord, surrender to His will and selfless love for each other.

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