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So your relationship with your ex has broken down, right? I just need to know what do I do from here to regain her interest because I definitely still have feelings for her.
Even if you're completely over your ex, you might still feel wistful hearing the Cardi B song they played on repeat, or buying their favorite cereal.
Happy memories don’t mean you want to get back together
You might feel nostalgic reminiscing on the magical Miami getaway you took together, or the warmth of the winter holidays you spent with their family. And while you may feel guilty, frustrated, or unsettled about this fact, know there's nothing wrong with wondering how your ex is doing or even musing on the fun times you shared. Todd Baratza psychotherapist who specializes in relationships, says that sometimes, missing your ex can go hand-in-hand with missing who you were in that relationship, or simply missing the relationship in general You might just be craving someone with whom you can snuggle, split some noodles, and marathon-watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
He adds that for many people, getting over an ex or feeling "less bereft" can take a long time.
But instead of recognizing your mournful feelings about your ex and beating yourself up over them, Baratz recommends looking at your emotions as an opportunity for introspection. A key way to do that is by going to therapy, if possible.
A therapist can help you work through the messages that may be hiding beneath the feeling of longing for your ex. Another way to get over your former partner is to find closure.
According to intimacy and sexuality coach Irene Fehrthe best way to find closure is to end all sorts of communication with your ex and focus on your own personal healing. One way to answer this question is to think about your former partner and the relationship that you two used to have.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow ly told Elite Daily that moving on from a relationship "means getting out of a routine," including losing someone you regularly talk to, as well as the "social status of being in a relationship. If you can't see a therapist to talk to about your feelings, remember that self-care after a breakup is key.
That can mean journaling, taking warm baths, breathing fresh air, eating good food, and getting adequate sleep.
And of course, in this technologically plugged-in day and age, a valid form of self-care is also muting or blocking your ex on social media. Along with therapy, Baratz also encourages his clients to date and be intimate with other people, if they want. Missing a ex, he says, doesn't necessarily mean you're not ready to start dating again after a breakup.
This can be powerful and is often part of the process of healing from a breakup. If you feel like it's appropriate, you can also reach out to your ex for closure — but proceed with caution.
Obsessed with your ex? it's not just you…
If your relationship was a long-term relationship, it's not uncommon that folks remain friends. That is OK, too! If you and your ex haven't spoken in a long time or at allbe extra thoughtful.
That's to say, don't start scheming to get back together just because your chat didn't turn into an argument. The ability to just observe your emotions without passing judgement is crucial, Baratz says. If you only think about all the good times that you had with your ex, then it will be harder for you to move on.
What to do if you're in a relationship & still thinking about your ex
Whether you're decoding your twinges of longing on your own, unpacking them with a therapist, or re-learning desire by getting back in the dating game, be patient with yourself. It might be awhile before you feel OK clicking through their Instagram Stories or listening to Olivia Rodrigo, but that's all a part of the process.
You're exactly where you need to be. Todd Baratzpsychotherapist who specializes in relationships.
"she’s all fine and dandy, and i struggle with this every day."
Irene Fehrintimacy and sexuality coach. Joshua Klapowclinical psychologist.
Clarissa Silvabehavioral scientist and relationship coach. This article was originally published on By Caroline Colvin and Joyann Jeffrey. Updated: June 24, Originally Published: March 24, Search Close.